3 Thoughts You Can Choose Instead of “This is Awful” When Life Feels Hard
Have you ever ordered any of these thoughts inside of your “Mindazon.com?”
“This is awful.”
“This is totally the worst.”
“I/he/she/they shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
“This sucks.”
When you’re faced with a diagnosis, a conflict, a failure, a death, or any kind of unmet expectation, you might think <<this is awful.>>
It can FEEL so true.
Especially if you think it over and over. But is it really true?
Maybe your response is: “Yes, Emily. This IS awful. This is the worst possible thing that could have happened. I would take ANYTHING but this.”
I don't want to minimize your pain. There are so many things we each face that are really really challenging—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
My personal experience, though, is that choosing the thought <<this is awful>> actually compounds my pain and adds layers of anger, resentment, and frustration to an already difficult situation. So of all the thoughts available to me in my Mindazon.com, I give <<this is awful>> a 1-star review.
When life feels hard, here are 3 thoughts you can choose to think instead.
**Warning: Thinking any of these thoughts might cause you to feel centered, peaceful, joyful, and hopeful, even in the face of major challenges. Use at your own risk.
Why is it that we feel robbed when life is difficult? Like we got ripped off, because life was supposed to be easy and it wasn’t. But isn’t it actually the other way around? I mean, if you hired a personal trainer to help you get really strong muscles, and he just had you doing bicep curls with 2 pound weights during the whole session, wouldn’t that actually be the real rip off? The truth is, a life without struggle, without opposition, would be a rip off. We wouldn’t get out of life what we came here to get. Because life is about growing, and learning, and CHANGING as a result of our experiences. I love the way the apostle Peter puts it:
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:12-13 NIV
Amen! Yes!! OVERJOYED in the midst of a fiery ordeal. OVERJOYED when God’s glory is revealed. Which will definitely happen when this life is over, but I also think it happens NOW. God’s glory is revealed DURING our struggles, when we feel him WITH US during the hard stuff. More on that in a minute.
I like to imagine myself as part of the scene described in Job 38, where God “laid the foundations of the earth..and the morning stars sang together..and all the sons of God shouted for joy.” I like to picture myself jumping up and down while the world was being created, trying to contain my excitement, and saying something like: “I cannot WAIT until it’s my turn to be born! It’s going to be so amazing!!” Over Christmas, when I was super sick with Covid and was alternating between Tylenol and Ibuprofen and gargling with hot salt water and drinking hot drinks and sitting close to a steamer and wincing with every swallow, I was seriously questioning why I ever would have been excited to get stuck in a body. Several times in the thick of the sickness I imagined myself—ages ago—shouting for joy that God was creating the world and that I would get the chance to come live on it—sore throats and exhaustion and all. It made me chuckle and helped renew my perspective.
In the end, it might be more true to say that it’s NOT awful when life offers us opportunities to experience betrayal, disappointment, pain, loss, struggle, and failure. It’s the advanced curriculum of life we are MEANT to get. We came to Earth to experience all of it.
Okay, here’s another option of a thought you can think instead of <<this is awful>>
2.
That one word “for” instead of “to” opens up a world of possibilities. Whatever you are facing, there is an opportunity in it.
An opportunity to get on your knees and plead for wisdom.
An opportunity for you to experience HEALING.
An opportunity for you to develop compassion for someone you once judged.
An opportunity for a relationship in your life to be transformed.
An opportunity for you to BECOME something you aren’t yet.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. …For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 17 (NIV)
If you are clay, and you get put into the kiln, the “fiery ordeal” that comes upon you is meant to polish and refine you. You might view your current circumstance as a prison. But what if it’s really a kiln?
Think of it like a pregnancy. We get that, right? When I was expecting my first baby no one ever said to me,
“Wow, that’s awful. That really sucks. You are going to feel terrible, labor is going to be the worst/scariest/most painful thing you have ever done, your entire life is going to get completely changed when the baby is born, and you are about to find out out how weak you are and how much you don’t know about how to be a parent.”
What everyone actually said was: “Wow, congratulations! That’s so exciting!”
When I was expecting my 2nd baby, (and my back was killing me, and I was majorly struggling on a daily basis to manage my blood sugars and take care of a spirited toddler in a small apartment) everyone always asked, “Oh, when are you due? Are you so excited?”
Some days I wasn’t excited at all.
Some days I thought, <<pregnancy is the worst thing ever. Why did I voluntarily subject myself to this?>> But the women who had done it before—who knew that the joy of snuggling a newborn baby would ultimately outweigh whatever it took to get there—expressed excitement at my circumstance. They knew it wasn’t awful. They knew it was actually glorious. Maybe this is what Paul is talking about when he says “for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (Although I’m not sure I would ever use “light” or “momentary” to describe pregnancy. ha ha).
The further I get from my years of being pregnant, the more clearly I can see that pregnancy IS exciting. And miraculous. And precious. And amazing. AND incredibly difficult! But “easy” was never the goal. It turns out that parenthood is one of the most joyful experiences, even with (because of?!) all the ways it “presses” and “perplexes” us. If I could sit and watch the movie of my life, and any of my 4 kids were chomping popcorn next to me, I would watch the long months of pregnancy and get excited and say: “Oh, this is a good part! You are almost going to be born!!” And if any of them were watching, they might say: “Wow, mom. You look so tired. That looks like it was really hard. That must have been awful.” And I would throw my arms around them and say, “Yeah, it was excruciating! But it gave me YOU!! Isn’t that so awesome?”
Can you think of a struggle you have faced, that was like a pregnancy, in the sense that it was hard and uncomfortable, even excruciating, but that it ultimately gave you something really valuable?
How did the experience shape you? How did it make you more patient, or more compassionate, or more thankful?
If you could go back and not have to endure that thing, what would you actually lose as a result?
The more I reflect on the hardest things I have gone through in my life, the more I can see how the struggle has happened FOR me, not TO me.
I know. Right now, before you know the end of the story, you might FEEL like what you’re facing is awful, and that it’s happening TO you. I get it. Feel free to cry and grieve and struggle and hurt, because this is tough. But I wholeheartedly believe that in the end, it’s actually happening FOR you, and that when we look back on life we will realize that the eternal glory of how we have grown and come to know God through our experiences will outweigh whatever we had to go through to get it. And I feel a lot more joyful when I believe that thought.
The third thought you can choose instead of <<this is awful>> is:
3.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
I have loved this scripture for years. It sounds so nice, doesn’t it?
But to be honest, I haven’t always actually BELIEVED it.
I mean, I thought I believed it. But really I had my own version:
“MOST things work together for good—as long as you don’t (or someone else doesn’t) make TOO big of a mistake. sin with a loweracase s is okay, but Sin with a capital S is too far. If anyone messes up too big, or if the losses are too great, then it’s going to be too big of a mess for anyone to clean up.”
Do you find yourself thinking that way sometimes too? “Most things work together for good. But not THIS. This is way too big of a mess to ever become anything good.”
I want to tell you something:
ALL things can work together for good.
ALL things.
Not just some things, not most things, but ALL things.
Max Lucado says:
But nobody wants to have a mess, right?
I am someone who tends toward extreme perfectionism. I want to do it all, do it well, control everything, not make any mistakes along the way, and please…nobody make any MESSES. Messes are so…ewww.. MESSY! I would way rather prevent messes from happening in the first place than have to face cleaning them up.
<<Let’s just keep everyone safe and keep everything tidy and keep everyone making good choices all the time so we don’t have to clean up any big mess.>>
Well, I used to think that was the ideal. And I used to exhaust myself aiming for it. But the more I have examined my perfectionism, and really held it up to the light of God’s word, the more I’ve come to understand that God WANTS there to be messes. In fact, the bigger the mess, the bigger our opportunity will be to witness God’s power as he makes ALL things work together for our good.
It can be scary, overwhelming, and depressing to be faced with a mess that is totally beyond your capacity to clean up. Like the children of Israel, when you see Pharoah’s chariots closing in behind you, and nothing but ocean straight ahead, you might be tempted to think, <<There’s no way I’ll ever be able to fix this. This is awful.>> Like the children of Israel, you might be mad. They told Moses it would have been better to stay in slavery to the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness. They couldn’t see how it would possibly work out.
But what did Moses say to them?
“You’re right. This is the worst possible thing that could have happened.” ?!?
NOPE.
He said,
“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:13-14, NIV)
When it feels like the world is closing in on you, you can think <<this is awful>> if you want to.
Or, you can think, <<This is my chance to see the deliverance the Lord will bring. This is too big for me to fix, too complex for me to sort out. Which means that right around the corner is the moment where I get to witness firsthand the matchless power and love of a supreme being who can take this mess and turn it into a miracle.>>
Your choice. Personally, I like the 2nd one a lot better. :)
Here’s my final thought for you today. I love love love this teaching from Dale G. Renlund:
Redeem. verb.
1. To change for the better.
2. Repair, restore
3. To make good
4. To offset the bad effect of
So, when we are broken, wounded, mistreated, and even when our hearts are shattered, you can say that it’s awful.
I say it’s a divine touch away from being…well, REDEEMED.
Would you like to have a few coaching sessions to help you discover how “all things are working together for your good” as you face challenges?
I’m Emily Ricks. I’m a mom, wife, disciple of Christ, recovering perfectionist, and Certified Professional Life Coach. I work with women who want to reduce feelings of stress, guilt, inadequacy, worry, and overwhelm. Through 1:1 coaching I help them investigate their thinking, envision what matters most, and exchange distressing thoughts for ones that create joy.