Episode 42: Two Thoughts to Lift You On the Hard Days

Sometimes life feels just plain hard. During particularly difficult seasons, our brains love to offer thoughts like “this is awful” or “I can’t do this.”  In this week’s episode, I’m sharing two simple, soul-centering thoughts that will give you a little boost if you've been feeling tired or discouraged. 

I can't take your challenges away but I'd be honored to help you get a fresh perspective about them. Schedule a free mini session with me if you're looking for a little more hope during a difficult time.  :)

Full Transcript:

You're listening to the Think New Thoughts podcast with Emily Ricks, episode number 42. Two thoughts to lift you on the hard days.

I'm Emily Ricks, and this is Think New Thoughts, a life coaching podcast to help you find more joy in your relationships. In each episode, I'll share a simple idea that will help you see things in a new way so you can love God, your neighbor, and yourself more deeply than you ever have before. If you're ready to literally change your mind, I think you'll like it here.

Welcome back to Think New Thoughts.

How are you, my friend? We're going to talk about challenges today. Life is full of hard things to face, right? And if you're like most people, the default thoughts that will come to your mind when you come up against a challenge is, this is awful. This is totally the worst.

I don't want to go through this. I hate this. And it makes sense why we reach for these kinds of thoughts when we're suffering, because it's not very much fun to be in pain.

When you're faced with a diagnosis, a conflict, a failure, a death, or any kind of unmet expectation, you might think that thought, oh, this is awful. And it can feel so true, especially if you think it again and again, day after day. But I want to ask you something.

Is it really true? Is it really awful? You might be thinking, yes, Emily, it is awful. This is the worst possible thing that could have happened. I would take anything but this.

I'm really deeply suffering here. And I don't want to minimize your pain. There are so many things we face that are really, really challenging, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

My personal experience, though, is that choosing the thought, this is awful, and replaying it in my mind over and over, actually adds more suffering by layering on anger, resentment, and frustration to an already difficult situation. So instead of choosing the thought, this is awful, which usually has a way of bringing you even lower than you already are. Today, I want to share with you two thoughts that can lift you when life is feeling particularly hard.

But first, here's like a little disclaimer in fine print. I just need to warn you that thinking either of these thoughts that I'm going to share with you might cause you to feel centered, peaceful, joyful, maybe even hopeful, even in the face of major challenges. So use these thoughts at your own risk.

Don't say I didn't warn you. All right, you ready? Here's option number one of a thought you can choose to think when life feels hard. Here it is.

I came to earth to experience things like this. That's one thought you can think instead of this is awful. Like why is it that we feel robbed when life is difficult? Like we got cheated because life was supposed to be easy and it wasn't.

But isn't it actually the other way around? I mean, if you hired a personal trainer to help you get really strong muscles, and he just had you doing bicep curls with two pound weights during the whole session, wouldn't that actually be the real ripoff? The truth is a life without struggle, without opposition would be a ripoff. We wouldn't get out of life what we came here to get, because life is about growing and learning and changing and becoming as a result of what we go through. But that's really easy to forget.

Have you ever watched an NBA basketball game and seen one of the players totally foul his opponent, like a very obvious, maybe even a flagrant foul. And then the ref blows the whistle and calls the foul. And you'll see the player throw up their hands and have a look of complete shock on their face.

Like what you're calling a foul on me. And as a spectator, I'm like, yeah, they're calling a foul. You literally swung your arm around the guy's neck.

Like, what did you expect? Why are you acting surprised to hear the whistle blow on that? I have a particular image in my mind of Andre Iguodala, who used to play for the golden state warriors. And it seemed like he was making this face all the time. This like, what you're calling that a foul.

My husband can imitate that face really well. And it always makes me laugh. But I've realized that I kind of make that same face inside.

Sometimes when my life doesn't go the way I plan when hard things come my way, I'm like, Oh, what a difficulty. You're giving me a trial. I can't believe this.

And if you were the spectator watching me play my life, you'd probably be like, yeah, you're on planet earth. Like what did you expect? Why are you surprised that it's challenging? Didn't anyone tell you that's how it works here? I love the scripture in first Peter chapter four, where it says, and this is the NIV translation. Dear friends do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you as though something strange were happening to you, but rejoice in as much as you participate in the sufferings of Christ so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

I try to remember that scripture. When I catch myself making the Iguodala face and throwing up my hands and being like, Oh, what a difficulty. This is so unfair.

Another scripture that helps with the Iguodala face is in Job chapter 38. Do you know the scripture? It says, God laid the foundations of the earth and the morning stars staying together. And all the sons of God shouted for joy.

I like to picture myself jumping up and down while the world was being created, trying to contain my excitement and say something like, Oh, I can't wait till it's my turn to be born. It's going to be so amazing, but that's hard to remember when life is hard, right? I remember back in 2021, I was super sick with COVID and it was Christmas Eve. And I was gargling with hot salt water and drinking hot drinks and sitting close to a steamer and wincing with every swallow.

And I was seriously questioning why I ever would have been excited to get a body. But several times in the thick of the sickness, I tried to imagine myself ages ago, shouting for joy that God was creating the world and that I would get a chance to come live on it. Sore throats and exhaustion and all.

And it kind of made me chuckle and help me smile instead of making the Iguodala face about my pain. When life feels really hard and your brain wants to offer you the thought that this is awful, you could choose to believe the opposite. You could tell your brain, no, this is actually not awful, even though it is very painful.

Because I came to earth to experience things like this. I came to earth to experience betrayal, disappointment, pain, loss, struggle, and failure, along with a lot of other things that feel better. But that's part of the curriculum that I meant to have.

And I don't want to get cheated out of the growth that will come through the hard things. So bring it on. I learned at the Life Coach School that circumstances are neutral and thoughts are optional.

And I really believe this. So I came to earth to experience things like this is always an option if you want to think it, no matter what you're going through. Okay.

And here's another option of a thought you can think instead of this is awful. Here's the second one. This isn't happening to me.

It's happening for me. That one word for, instead of two, opens up a world of possibilities. Whatever you're facing, there is an opportunity in it.

Maybe an opportunity to get on your knees and plead for wisdom. Maybe an opportunity for you to experience healing. Maybe an opportunity for you to feel compassion for someone you once judged.

Maybe an opportunity for you to become something you aren't yet. When a piece of clay gets shaped and put into a kiln, is that happening to it or for it? From outside the kiln, it's pretty easy to believe that shaping the clay into a nice bowl and then firing it in the kiln to make it shiny is a great thing. But if you're actually the clay, it's usually more like, Hey, this hurts and it's hot.

Get me out of here. In the end, it's a matter of perspective, right? There's a pastor named Max Lucado who says it this way. He was speaking of Joseph in Egypt.

He says, we see a prison. God sees a kiln. We see famine.

God sees the relocation of his chosen lineage. And I love his viewpoint on that. When we can see the greater purpose in something, even if it's painful, it changes how we think about and experience the pain.

Kind of like a pregnancy, right? Whenever I have been pregnant, people don't come up to me and say, Wow, that's awful. Usually they say something like, Wow, congratulations. That's so exciting.

What do you do? And pregnancy is exciting, but it's also really challenging. And honestly, for me, some days it didn't feel very exciting. Some days I lost sight of how it could possibly ever be worth it to suffer that much having some distance now from my pregnancies.

I think of it this way. If I could sit and watch the movie of my life. And if my kids were chomping popcorn next to me, I would watch those long months of pregnancy and then get excited and say, Oh, this is a good part.

You're almost going to be born. And if they were watching, they might say, Oh wow, mom, you look so tired. That looks like it was really hard.

That must've been awful. And I would throw my arms around them and say, yeah, it was excruciating, but it gave me you. Isn't that so cool? So can you think of a struggle you have faced? That was like a pregnancy in the sense that it was hard and uncomfortable, even excruciating, but that it ultimately gave you something really valuable.

How did the experience shape you? How did it make you more patient or more compassionate or more thankful? And think about this, really consider this. If you could go back and not have to endure that really hard thing that you did, what would you actually lose? What would you have to forfeit that's actually really valuable to you now that you have it? The more I reflect on the hardest things I've gone through in my life, the more I can see how the struggle has happened for me, not to me. And I know right now, before you know the end of the story, you might feel like what you're facing is awful and that it's happening to you.

I understand that. And as part of your journey, feel free to cry and grieve and struggle and hurt because yeah, it's tough. But I wholeheartedly believe that in the end, it is actually happening for you.

And that when we look back on life, we will realize that the eternal glory of how we've grown and come to know God through our experiences is going to outweigh whatever we had to go through to get it. And I feel a lot more joyful when I believe that thought. I'll leave you with one more scripture today that you can lean on when you find yourself in a particularly difficult season of life.

Maybe you're going through one right now, or maybe you can tuck this idea away for later and pull it out when you're in need of some hope. This is Romans 8 28. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.

I have loved this scripture for years and sounds really nice, doesn't it? But to be honest, I haven't actually always believed it. I mean, I thought I believed it, but really I had my own version. Most things work together for my good.

As long as no one makes too big of a mistake. If anyone messes up too big, or if the losses are too great, then it's just going to be too big of a mess for anyone to clean up. Do you find yourself thinking that way sometimes too? Most things work together for good, but not this.

This is way too big of a mess to ever become anything good. I want to tell you something. All things can work together for your good.

All things, not just some things, not most things, but all things. God really can take anything that happens and use it for your good. So whatever you're facing, whatever you're going through, no matter how painful or dark or relentless or exhausting it may be, I really truly believe that in the end, it's happening for you.

And you can believe that too, if you want to. All right, my friend, cheering you on as you face huge obstacles and painful experiences that are part of your advanced curriculum to grow and become someone even more amazing than you already are. As you go through betrayal, disappointment, all kinds of different pain, loss, struggle, and failure, remember that it was always meant to be this way.

You don't have to be surprised, even though it will be challenging and painful. And in the end, it's happening for you, not to you. And if you let it, whatever you're going through will be used for your good.

If you're in a hard season right now and you need a little hope, go to emilyrickscoaching.com/mini-session. Find a time that works for you and let's explore whether you are stuck in a prison or if it might actually be a kiln. Thanks so much for joining me today.