Episode 90: Feeling Frazzled? Stop Doing This One Thing
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, mentally scattered, or like you’re carrying too many things at once, this episode is for you. I’m sharing one small habit that seems harmless in the moment, but can slowly create a surprising amount of stress, clutter, and emotional overload--which of course spills over onto your kids in a way that isn't what you want. In this episode, you’ll learn why your brain has such a hard time relaxing when too many things are left unresolved—and the simple shift that can help you feel calmer, lighter, and more present in your life again.
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Full Transcript:
You're listening to the Think New Thoughts Podcast with Emily Ricks episode number 90: Feeling Frazzled? Stop Doing This One Thing.
I'm Emily Ricks and this is Think New Thoughts, a life coaching podcast to help you find more joy in your relationships. In each episode, I'll share a simple idea that will help you see things in a new way so you can love God, your neighbor, and yourself more deeply than you ever have before. If you're ready to literally change your mind, I think you'll like it here.
Hey, welcome back to Think New Thoughts.
Do you ever feel kind of frazzled as a mom? Like you’re being pulled in a hundred directions and you’re on your last nerve trying to manage it all?
There’s something you’ve got to stop doing if you’re tired of feeling frazzled: stop saying this one word—maybe.
In today’s episode, I’ll show you why “maybe” feels so tempting in the moment, but actually leaves you overwhelmed and mentally overloaded. Then I’ll walk you through what to do instead so you can feel calmer and more present.
All right, let’s dive in.
Imagine you’re at the grocery store with, let’s say, your daughter. You’re pushing a cart and she’s pushing her own cart.
As you walk through the store, she starts spotting all the fun things.
“Mom, can we get Oreos?”
But you’re focused on your shopping list, only paying half attention, so you vaguely say, “Maybe.”
Well, your child is very clever. She notices you didn’t say no, so she slips the Oreos into her cart and marches on.
A few aisles later:
“Mom, can we get Lucky Charms?”
You don’t really want a meltdown in the cereal aisle, so again you say, “Maybe.” Into her cart they go.
Then it’s chocolate milk, donuts, some candy, and seven different flavors of ice cream.
You haven’t actually said yes to any of it, but you also haven’t said no. So your daughter keeps all of these items in her cart, waiting for you to eventually make a final decision.
It seemed easier to just say “maybe” while you were shopping.
But now that you’re standing in line at checkout, you see that your daughter’s cart is overflowing with stuff you’d never intended to buy.
At this point, you have two bad options:
You can just buy everything in both carts, even though not all of it will even fit in your refrigerator or freezer, or you’re going to have to get out of line and help your daughter put each of these items back where they go.
By the time you finish this grocery trip, you will have either spent way more time than you wanted to or way more money than you wanted to. And it’s likely that at least one of you is going to end up pretty grumpy about how things turned out.
It’s pretty ridiculous to do it this way, right? I’m guessing this is not how you approach grocery shopping.
But you might be doing this kind of thing to yourself in some other areas of your life.
Your brain is like a little kid. It asks you questions constantly.
“Are we going to sign up for that?”
“Should we volunteer for this?”
“Will we take on this project?”
“Is this a priority for this week?”
“Should we reorganize the pantry?”
“Should we finally finish that thing we started two years ago?”
And instead of giving our brain clear answers, a lot of times we respond with things like:
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe.”
“I’ll decide later.”
“We’ll see.”
And it seems like not having to decide right now will save us time. But in the end, it doesn’t.
Because unmade decisions show up as clutter.
Clutter in your house.
Clutter in your calendar.
Clutter in your mind.
And eventually clutter in your emotions.
When we feel frazzled and overwhelmed, we think it’s because there are too many things coming at us. Too many requests. Too many things other people want from us.
But here’s the truth:
You don’t feel frazzled because people are asking for too much.
You feel frazzled because you haven’t said a clear yes or a clear no to a lot of the requests that are coming in, and they’re piling up in your maybe cart.
This is really important, so I’m going to say it again.
You don’t feel frazzled because people are asking for too much. You feel frazzled because you haven’t said a clear yes or a clear no to a lot of the requests that are coming in.
But this is great news because the solution is more in your control than you might think.
Earlier this year, I set a goal to declutter 1,000 items from my house by May 1st. I made a chart with 1,000 boxes, and every time I donated or threw something away, I got to color in a box.
One of the biggest things I noticed during this project was the power of a clear no.
A lot of things I ended up giving away had been sitting around as maybes.
“Maybe I’ll wear that someday,” even though every time I put it on, I end up changing into something else.
“Maybe I’ll use that mug,” even though I have eight others that I reach for first.
“Maybe I’ll finish that project,” even though there are 12 other projects that are way more important to me.
Honestly, it stung a little bit to admit when a maybe was actually a no.
But the more I did it, the more I realized how freeing it was.
“No, I don’t feel confident in that shirt. I don’t want to keep it.”
“No, I don’t need that many pairs of socks.”
“No, I started that project, but I actually didn’t really enjoy it, and so I’m deciding not to finish it. I’m going to move on to things I enjoy more.”
Saying a clear no freed up space in my house, but also space in my mind.
So on April 30th, I had one day left to reach my goal of 1,000 items, and I still had about 150 boxes left to color in on my chart.
This pushed me to get more and more decisive.
I would pull out an item and ask, “Is this a clear yes, or is it a no?”
No maybes allowed.
A lot of times a maybe is a little white lie. It pretends to be optimistic, but really it’s denial. It’s an argument with reality—an argument with what you really are going to have time, energy, or capacity to do.
To color in the final boxes on my little chart, I had to get honest.
“Maybe I’ll find out whose water bottle this is.”
Well, I sent out several texts after a gathering that happened at our house over a year ago. I still don’t know whose this is. I’m going to donate it.
“Maybe I will give that gift to my neighbor that I ordered for her birthday.”
Emily, let’s get real. You’re not going to give it to her. That was more than two years ago. This is not a maybe, it’s a no.
I put the gift into the donation bin and colored in a box on my chart. And I felt lighter.
Each item I let go of was small, but it added up to a lot of freedom because each box I colored in was a decision.
A decision to say no.
A decision to choose space over clutter.
Every time I said maybe, I was keeping something alive in my brain—keeping it open, keeping it unfinished.
But every clear no closed the open loop and let me move on.
A clear no meant I didn’t have to keep revisiting the same decision over and over again. I didn’t have to keep carrying it mentally. And I didn’t have to keep feeling low-grade guilt or confusion every time I looked at it.
So what are the maybes in your life?
“Maybe I’ll say yes to this.”
“Maybe I’ll do that.”
“Maybe I’ll plan that.”
“Maybe I’ll go to that.”
“Maybe I’ll have time for that someday.”
These all seem like good intentions, but when they pile up, they can actually become really overwhelming.
So if you want to feel less frazzled as a mom, here’s the one thing that will really help:
Stop saying maybe.
Tell yourself the truth and give a clear, honest answer.
Is it a yes or is it a no?
Now, this doesn’t mean you can never postpone things. Sometimes “not now” is wise. But instead of “maybe someday,” make a decision about when.
“I’m not going to prioritize this in the next six months.”
“I’ll revisit this in October.”
“And if it’s not a clear yes by then, it’s going to be a no.”
That’s very different.
One is an open loop that your brain doesn’t know how to resolve. The other is a clear decision with a timeline.
So let’s come back to the grocery store example from the beginning.
Imagine walking into the store with your daughter, who in this scenario is actually you. And instead of ignoring her all trip long, you lovingly prepare her ahead of time.
“Hey, we’re here at the store and you can choose two treats today.”
Now the whole trip changes.
“Can we get Oreos?”
“Sure. That can be one of your two treats.”
“Can we get Lucky Charms?”
“Sure. That can be one of your two treats.”
“Can we get chocolate milk?”
“You can if you’d like to trade it for Oreos or Lucky Charms, but we’re only getting two this week.”
So then there’s no drama. There’s no overflowing cart. There’s no giant pile of unresolved decisions waiting at checkout.
Instead, you get clarity.
This is how you can approach your time, your energy, your schedule, or your space.
You don’t have to swirl around in so many maybes. You can say no to some things before your cart is overflowing.
So here’s my challenge to you this week:
Identify one category of your life where you think you’ve been saying maybe a little too much.
Here’s a hint: look at where you feel overwhelmed, overextended, frazzled, or resentful.
It might be your schedule, your laundry room, your home projects, your email.
If it’s all of those categories, just pick one.
Then choose a few things in that category to look at and give each thing a clear yes or a clear no.
No maybes allowed.
Don’t let yourself weasel out of a real answer. Don’t be in denial. Just face reality and welcome the truth.
If it’s a yes, go all in and make a plan of action.
If it’s a no, release the item, release the expectation, or release the guilt.
Give a clear yes to the things that really matter—the things that fit, the things you actually have capacity for—and then say no to the rest ahead of time.
A lot of times we wait to say no until we run out of energy or time, and then we admit that it’s more than we can handle.
But you can say no before that.
So see if you can say no to 10 things in the category you picked.
Not maybe.
Not “we’ll see if I can cram it in.”
Just a gentle, clear no.
And then do that 10 more times.
And notice what happens when your brain no longer has to carry around so many open loops.
I think you’ll feel calmer, lighter, more present, less frazzled, and you’ll have more space to enjoy your family, your home, and your life.
Give it a try this week and see what you think.
If you want to try this, I have a simple little printable you can download. It has three options: 10 boxes to color in, 100 boxes to color in, or 1,000 boxes if you really want to go big.
You can use this sheet to help you declutter physical items or motivate you in any other category where you want to create more space.
I’ll put a link in the show notes.
Enjoy! Thanks so much for joining me today. I’ll talk to you next week.
Shownotes:
This Week's Challenge:
Identify a category where you have been feeling frazzled or overloaded and take a look at a few items in this category. (i.e. Your schedule, home projets, e-mails, a room of your house, etc. )
Go through a few items and give each one a clear yes or a clear no. No maybes allowed.
Say no to 10 things and see what happens and how you feel.
Color in your 10 things on this simple little chart.
Enjoy!
Feeling a little worn down as a parent?
Grab my free guide, The 3 Shifts That Change Everything.
A simple guide for moms who want to enjoy their kids again.
You’ll discover:
• The Energy Shift that moves you from worn down to wise
• The Perspective Shift that carries you from discouraged to empowered
• The Boundary Shift that takes you from frustrated to anchored
Ready for deeper support?
I offer 1:1 coaching for moms who are ready to experience these shifts in a deeper, more personal way. I’d love to help you renew your mind so you can enjoy your kids again.
